this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
