just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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