am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
