Swine flu. Run for my life!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
