i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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