3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
