i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
