I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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