i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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