Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
