OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
