I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
