she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
