can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
