maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
