Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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