When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
