I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
