just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
