i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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