So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
