He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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