He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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