i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
