She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
