Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's get the cat blown out
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
