I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
