Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He better not be in your backpack
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
