Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
