This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
