I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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