I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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