You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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