I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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