he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need moral support for this bender
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
