last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't deserve a penis
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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