I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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