"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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