Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
