He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
