You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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