Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
