Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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