Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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