those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But theres a keg here and me gusta
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
