Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
