I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize