Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Screwed.edu
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
