i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
