Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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