he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
