My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize