If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
