What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
