Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish my penis had a tongue
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
