escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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