kristin has been a bad kristin
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
