a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
