My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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