Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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