tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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