Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
