Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
