We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
