my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize