My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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