She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
