btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
