i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
