just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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