I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
