my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
