hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
