Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
