i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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