I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
