I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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