we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
