Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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